What Comes First: Belief or Behavior?

Why the mess matters—and where the reframe begins.

In a recent professional learning session I designed and facilitated, I posed a simple but charged question: What comes first—belief or behavior?

It sparked deep discussion. Some argued that belief drives behavior—that until you believe something, you won’t act on it. Others said the opposite: behavior shapes belief. That what we do has the power to shift what we think. As the conversation unfolded, it became clear—both can be true, but what matters most is cultivating the awareness to understand what’s actually happening when we are not seeing the outcomes we imagined.

This question—belief or behavior—isn’t just a philosophical exercise. It’s at the core of Pillar One of The Reframe: Name the Strain. When something feels off—whether in our work, our relationships, or our inner lives—the first move isn’t to fix it. It’s to name it. And to sit, without rushing, in the discomfort of what is.

Because here’s the truth: the strain we feel often lives beneath the surface. It shows up as overwork, reactivity, avoidance, or numbness. We treat these as behavioral issues. But beneath them? A belief. A story. A fear.A set of hidden commitments. And other times, we say we believe something—like rest matters, or people are more important than performance—but our actions say otherwise.

This isn’t just about work. It’s about life. It’s about the full, messy, unpredictable reality of being human. And it requires us to do something that feels counterintuitive in most American spaces: admit that we are beginners.

The Sacred Practice of Naming

We’ve come to associate mastery with control and order. But real growth happens in the mess. And mindfulness teaches us that presence—not perfection—is the goal. Jan Chozen Bays, in How to Train a Wild Elephant, encourages us to pay attention to the smallest resistances, the tiniest flickers of discomfort, as doorways to awareness.

This is a spiritual practice, too. To say, “I am a beginner,” is to surrender to the not-knowing. To accept that discomfort isn’t a problem to solve—it’s a message to listen to. In the quiet noticing of our tension, our patterns, our truths—we begin again.

So instead of rushing to change your habits or your mindset, start with naming.

Ask Yourself:

• What am I feeling right now, and where do I feel it in my body?

• What’s the story I’m telling myself about this moment?

• Is this a behavioral loop or a belief trap?

• What would I have to believe to continue behaving this way?

• What behavior might help me soften or shift that belief?

Embrace the Mess

I am not broken because I don’t have it all together. I am human. The belief that life should be neat and linear is itself a form of strain. In truth, the mess is sacred. The discomfort is an invitation. The awareness is the reframe.

So whether I am in a professional transition, questioning a relationship, or simply trying to make it through the week without collapsing under the weight of expectations—I am reminded:

I am allowed to be a beginner. I do not have the answers. And I can pause, breathe, and name what is not aligned.

Real change doesn’t begin with hustle or hacks. It begins with awareness. It begins with language. It begins with naming the strain.

That’s where The Reframe begins. And that’s where we all can begin again.